Chapters List | Stories List | Front Page
The Naked Halfling Fighter
"That's a hell of a dress, Mim," Ford said as he let Fran into his apartment. Fran was dressed in a Victorian-era French-maid outfit, ruffles and lace from head to toe. "I have the sudden urge to call you Scarlett and burn down your house."
"Piss off, Ford," she replied. "Unlike you losers I have a Halloween party to go to tonight."
"A party? On a Tuesday?" Karen shouted from the small dining area of Ford's apartment. Sitting at the beat-up table next to the window was Karen, Danny "Banana" Huerta, and Jake Cisneros. The tabletop was strewn with seemingly random papers, books, pencils, and dice.
"Some of us have to work tomorrow," Danny said.
Ford's apartment, just down the street from the hospital, was far larger than a bachelor needed. The large living room, which in pre-Lorna days had been decorated with a ratty Good Will couch and shelving made of cinderblocks and particle wood, was now tastefully decorated with matching bookshelves and entertainment center and a large, comfortable three-piece sofa with end tables. The apartment was L-shaped, with a dining area large enough for another book shelf and a large table around the corner. An archway led into the kitchen, and a door opposite the window led into Ford's bedroom. The bedroom door was closed, except for a small square hole at the bottom.
"Take a seat," Ford offered Fran. "I'll get some sodas."
"Hey," Fran said as she sat at the table and opened a folder up, "I've been thinking about Friday's set. I think we should do 'Frankenstein' as the third song."
"We're not doing 'Frankenstein,'" Danny said. "We're doing Ford's song, 'Vampire Zombies from Neptune.'"
"No," Fran said. "I have problems with the line, 'Sucking your organs through your anus.'"
"So we change it to 'Sucking your brains through your ears,'" Danny offered.
"I'm not changing my lyrics!" Ford shouted from the kitchen. "That ruins the Uranus pun."
As Jake fiddled with a pencil, a pudgy gray cat jumped up on the table scattering the papers and dice.
"Fritter, down!" Ford yelled, returning from the kitchen with a handful of sodas. The cat, with a haughty flick of its tail, walked over to Jake and crawled down into his lap.
"Its ok," Jake offered, as Ford reached over to throw her on the floor. Jake started to pet Fritter, then pulled his hand back quickly. "Hey, Ford, your cat has some kind of tumor or something growing on its back."
"They're wings," Fran offered.
"Wings?" Jake asked, feeling the bumps more closely. There were two, six-inch flaps of skin growing from Fritter's back, both shaped, roughly, like little wings.
"I bought her on my trip to Findhorn," Ford said, noticing Jake's reaction. "Nobody really knows why some cats in the UK grow wings."
"I've never heard of a winged cat," Jake said.
"Yeah," Ford smiled. "You should have seen the guys at Customs. She was in quarantine for two weeks before they let me have her back. Hey, did you finish your character?"
"Yeah," Jake answered, sliding a paper over to Ford.
"You're a fighter?" Ford asked.
"Yes, why?"
"A halfling fighter?"
"Yes," Jake said, shrugging. "Is that bad?"
"Er, no," Ford replied, handing the paper back.
"So where were we?" Danny asked.
"Ok," Ford said, shuffling a few papers. "You're beneath the temple. You're in a long hallway, two wooden doors on each side and another door at the end. You can see from the light of the torches on the wall that each door has a small, barred window, about eye level. You hear screaming from the door at the end of the hall."
"I get out my Tech 9," Karen stated.
"Wrong game," Danny countered.
"Oh," she said, leafing through her papers. "Uh-oh, I can't find my elf."
"Here," Ford said, handing her a photocopied paper. "You can look up the stats on your sword yourself."
"While she's doing that," Fran spoke up, "I run down and look through the window on the door at the end of the hall."
"You see through the window a large humanoid in a black, hooded mask. Tied to a wooden X is a naked halfling."
"Is that me?" Jake asked. "What can I do? Can I kick at him?"
"No," Ford said. "You're tied to an X."
"Ok," Fran said to Karen and Danny. "We obviously have to go in and rescue him. BaldingNerd, pick the lock."
"That's Balthigurd," Danny corrected.
"On the count of three, open the door," Fran said. "I'll rush in with my bow drawn and cover Aylee while she makes a run for the big guy."
"That's Aluriel," Karen mumbled. "Stupid human. I'm not a dragon."
"Ok, everybody make your rolls," Ford said, rolling a few dice behind a cardboard screen. "Hey Danny, I need to ask you a favor."
"What's that?" Danny asked, making notes on his character sheet.
"I need you to do some research on Commissioner Zvolen for me."
"Look, Ford," Danny said, glancing up. "I know you think that every bit of information ever written down is somewhere on the web, but it's just not true."
"I know that," Ford said, hurt. "But you work for San Fran Systems, the largest database backup site on the net. You can find anything."
"He can't do that Ford," Karen snapped. She was a sales rep for San Fran Systems, and manager, in title at least, of Danny's department. "You know we're not allowed to go through our clients' databases."
"Be quiet, Karen. Close your ears," Danny told her. "So what, you just want a general bio check?"
"Anything you can find," Ford said. "Ok, who made their rolls."
"I did," Karen said, taking her hands away from her ears.
"Me too," Fran added.
"And me," Danny said. "I successfully rolled to open the door."
"You have to roll just to open a door?" Jake asked.
"Only when they're locked," Danny offered.
"Ok, the big guy is dead. You help the halfling down from the X I presume?"
"Can I find my stuff?" Jake asked. "Because I'm naked. I don't want to play a naked character."
"Yes," Ford laughed. "Your stuff is on a table next to the door. However, as you're putting on your gear, you also find a silver-bladed shortsword. Its handle is carved from some metal that resembles pewter, you're not sure what it is. The cross branches on either side of the blade like a Fleur-De-Lis, and the hilt is carved into a hideous, albeit crude, demon face with what look like sapphires in the eyes."
"Be careful, Jake," Fran said. "The more description he gives an item, the more dangerous it is."
"Shut up Fran," Ford snapped.
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter