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The Waiting Game


"So this is what you guys do when you're on a case?" Jake asked, as Ford and Simonyi sat down at the patio table.

"Never underestimate the powers of a good think," Ford replied.

"Yeah," Simonyi nodded. "What he said."

"Think?" Jake said, incredulously. "So far we've shopped for CDs at Virgin, picked up vacuum cleaner bags for Fish' wife at Safeway, and skipped rocks at Crissy Field. Now we're eating at a cheap fast food place."

"Hey," Simonyi snapped.

"Yeah," Ford agreed. "Don't be dissin' Tempura Tacos."

"Ick," Jake said, twisting his face. "I'm just saying that we should be doing some investigation, shouldn't we?"

"Let me ask you something," Ford said. "In the entire time you were working with LaTasha, did you ever do any investigating?"

"Sure we did," Jake said, defensively.

"No you didn't," Ford countered. "You drove around hurting people until someone had some information you wanted. Fish and I do pretty much the same thing, only we don't hurt people."

"Not on purpose, anyways," Simonyi added.

A chipper teenager with a ponytail and a stained smock walked over to their table with a pad of paper in one hand and a pen in the other. She looked from Ford to Simonyi, smiled, and started scribbling on her pad.

"The usual, fellas?" she asked.

"Yep," Ford said.

"Yep," Simonyi agreed.

"Ok, two anago burritos, one ika chimichanga, a Pepsi and a Carffee," she said, then, looking at Jake, she asked, "And what can I get for you?"

"I'll have two shiso tacos, a side of pintos soba," Jake said, looking at the menu under the glass of the table. "And a water."

"So this is what you do?" Jake asked again, after the waitress left. "Just sit around and wait for your cases to solve themselves?"

"Not at all," Ford said. "Eventually we either figure it out or think of some way to get new information."

"Like the Coleman case," Simonyi offered.

"Right," Ford agreed. "Like the Coleman case."

"What happened on the Coleman case?" Jake asked.

"We were investigating a dentist because a patient died in his chair," Ford said.

"Poor schlep had a heart attack," Simonyi added.

"Right. Heart attack. Dead in the chair," Ford continued. "We were waiting for the ME to tell us if the doctor was at fault or not and we were eating at Lu Hwong's, the Cajun place that used to be on Columbus."

"No," Simonyi interrupted. "It was the Aussie Burger on Polk."

"Are you sure?" Ford asked.

"I'm sure. Remember? We had the vegemite fries and the balmain bug burgers."

"Oh yeah," Ford said. "You're right. That was the place with fire pit where you were supposed to cook your damper."

"Can you get on with the story?"

"What?" Ford asked. "Oh, right. Anyway, we were sitting there eating and I looked over and saw that the woman next to us was wearing a nicotine patch."

"So?" Jake asked, after a moment's silence. "What does that have to do with the guy having a heart attack?"

"Don't you see?" Ford asked. "His wife was slipping him extra amounts of nicotine, hoping he would have an aneurism or something. It probably would've taken her weeks if the dentist's anesthetic didn't trigger an arrhythmia."

"And that's how you solved the case?"

"Oh yeah," Ford said. "She caved in and confessed as soon as I told her my theory."

"So we're just going to sit around until we get a deus ex machina?"

"No," Ford said. "Not at all. Tomorrow I'm going to visit Morley."

"What does that have to do with the case?"

"Well," Ford said. "If that little girl really is me, which I doubt she is, then she'll know how the case ends, right?"

"Oh," Jake said, in a tone of voice that suggested total surprise that Ford was able to say that with a straight face.

"And what would you have us do?" Ford asked.

"I supposed," Simony said, "that we could go rough up Lambert and make him tell us what he knows."

"Nah," Ford said. "You can't get away with police brutality when you're brutalizing another officer."

"True," Simonyi said.

"I think I'm going to have a hard time getting used to working with you two," Jake said.

"Relax. Something will break for us," Ford said. "Trust me."


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