It’s that time of year again - time to start thinking about what presents to buy people and what presents to ask for. The first part is easy for me, finding cool presents people actually like is my super power. The second part is even easier because I never get what I really want.
Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful or imply that I’m dissatisfied with what I get. That’s not the case at all. In fact, I’ve always felt a little guilty when people I’m not currently sleeping with buy me things. It’s just that, when asked what I really want by people who ask the question seriously, I have an answer already prepared. But what I’ve always told people I want nobody gets me because they think I’m not being serious. Or, in Valette’s case, think it’s too strange. Because what I really want, odd as it may be, is an assortment of Swiss Colony sausages, cheeses, and mustards. Maybe some petitsfours. Yes, that’s right, those “assorted gift baskets” that you sometimes see being sold from kiosks at the mall. And, yes, I’m serious. I’m a fan of sausage and cheese on crackers.
But now you see why I don’t get them.
My sister once told me that those gift baskets are a “fallback gift” that people buy when they want to be considerate but don’t really know someone well enough to pick out a real gift. I can’t help it. Every year when the Swiss Colony catalog showed up (yes, my mom bought them for people she wanted to be considerate of but didn’t know well enough to get a “real” gift), I would look through it and ask for one or two things. I never got them.
This year, however, I’m changing my tune. I’ll be happy without sossiges and pettyfours because, for the second year in a row, the publishing gods have smiled down upon me with brightly colored collectors-edition smiles. Last year, Los Bros Hernandez and my lovely girlfriend brought me the superrific classic Love & Rockets compendiums featuring all the Maggie & Hopey stories, which I loved, and the Palomar stories, which I glossed over back then but loved reading now. Anyone who’s read Ford or floated around any of the Ford-related forums knows I consider Los Bros a major style influence.
That was last year, tho’, and between Love & Rockets and Del Rey’s compendium of Robert E. Howard’s original Conan Stories, I thought the decade could bring me no more surprises. I was wrong.
Hooray! Pogo! Collected and for reals! And not going for $800 on eBay! Pogo! Pogo! Pogo! Pogo!
I have an uncle that I never really got along with. In fact, he was always kind of a jerk to me. And, I suppose, in my 9 year-old way, I was a jerk right back. But there’s one thing I can thank him for, and that’s having Walt Kelly’s Pogo in the bathroom reading rack instead of boring old magazines. There’s a reason Alan Moore, Bill Watterson, Berke Breathed, Robert Crumb, and countless writers and artists count Kelly as an influence - Pogo is pure genius. And every re-reading I’ve discovered jokes and references I didn’t understand before. I can’t wait to find even more.
Now, to start that letter writing campaign to Santa.
Well since you asked, I want a table saw please, and since shipping and handling might be a bit pricey, a gift certificate from home depot will suffice :)
FOOD through the MAIL. It’s just WRONG.
Oh, I COMPLETELY disagree that food by mail is the source of all evil. I for one LOVE getting treats in the mail and would NEVER say no to a box from Swiss Colony…in fact, I have my eyes on some of the Turkey Truffles for Thanksgiving…good luck making those in your spare time!